digi butterfly

2009-03-27T13:05:00.000-07:00

i still cry when i see you
i cry when i see your name
i miss you so much..
why did you say that each relationship has an expiry date..
why it didn't just stop when we were together
wasn't life perfect
why it has to reach the end
why there must be an end

you told me that i'll have someone who'll love me like you and even more
but where is this person?
i've been waiting so long
i wish i could just stop waiting
i wish i can stop thinking about it

i don't want to wait for anyone
i'm tired of waiting
so tired

2009-02-11T08:39:00.000-08:00

i'm not special to anyone
that is all what i feel right now
yes i used to be special to certain people
but not anymore

some of them got married and busy with their kids
others got new friends and I'm just an old friend
i don't know... my birthday is next month..
and that doesn't make me feel better
it is sort of cool..
but i'm scarred to have a lonely birthday
yeah i have to be positive..
I'm trying to be positive as much as I could
but sometimes i get days like today..
days that are not sunny and colorful
such days i leave received sms un-answered

hopefully this feeling will go away
i'm trying to do something for fun
like pet society in facebook
i'm enjoying it..

i better go and play with my pet..
very strange huh.. a cyber game could change your feelings !!
peace

flashback

2008-12-29T11:23:00.000-08:00

eventually my family decided to go to AlAin
I wasn't interested at the beginning
coz I don't want to remember some stuff, actually sad memories
but as always I find it a peaceful place
a pure identity that has not been interrupted by others
a truly UAE,,, if someone would love to know the UAE,, I assure that AlAin represents the UAE
simple life and simple people,,
simple buildings, simple houses
if I had enough money and the freedom to go anywhere,,
I'll buy a house in AlAin and will go every weekend alone
talking about doing whatever I want
my friend came back from Turkey again =(
alot of wishes that I add to my list
I wonder when they will come true
Turkey, Egypt, Greece, Morocco, Spain, Oman,,,etc.

and my love to Turkey is an old love story
not since the turkish series appeared,,
I always had this wish once I first visited Turkey,, my family hates it
they just hate the word turkey coz we didn't enjoy our visit there
we planned to stay for amonth and ended up in dubai after one week =/
but i still want to visit it
I don't care if the people are rude in Istanbul
I just want to go there again
alone or with someone who would love to make my wishes true
who would be patient when i stare at something
grabs me a rose from the street
and tell me how much I mean to them

aren't there going to be someone who would love to color my wishes
who would walk the long road just for me
I just want someone to ask me where do you want to go?
or what do you want?
or what is your favourite color?
yeah a silly question,, but i miss it
I miss those silly questions
coz for some it means they care

I have been asking others for their FAVs,,
but wasn't asked from alooong time about my fav stuff

I know there are some people who care
but will there be someone who cares the way I care
who would search for the stuff that draws a smile on my face
who would think of me when I'm asleep
who would wish me a good morning and a good day once I wake up

I have to believe there will be
I have to believe they're coming
coz once you don't believe,, you die

so I believe they're coming
its only few miles between us
I believe they'll love me the way I love them
they'll cherish everything in me the way I do in them
I believe its only few days and I'll be..... again
and forever

INSOMNIA

2008-12-15T14:42:00.000-08:00

I'm having insomnia for more than two weeks now though everything is going fine el7imdellah and I'm not feeling sad or depressed, coz its one of the main reasons that cause insomnia =/ as they say !! I was seriously thinking to resign out of that company I even requested for the official resigning letter
I think I changed my mind today,,
I'm not gonna quit until I find another job
since its becoming so difficult for citizens to find a job in Dubai

I'll wait for a while,,

I'm stuck in almost everything
I decided to go back to personal graphic design
years back I vectored a lil girl and didn't finish it
and I always wished to do that artwork that i keep on visualizing
I reVectored it again and it looks awsome
I just need to put it in a full layout,, and I'm stuck for days now =(
days only to do the layout =(

maybe its my fault that i don't know what is the concept exactly !!!
I think I need a change in my life

2008-11-03T11:54:00.000-08:00

its really annoying... wherever you look
you see the same person... standing between you and your best friends

feeling lonely

2008-10-01T13:59:00.000-07:00

the gift of being busy

2008-09-30T12:36:00.000-07:00

once i get closer to my deadlines and realize that i'll be doing nothing, i get so depressed
I have been planning a project long time ago...more than a year...
but did not start yet...
i find myself an excuse for every month =(
though sometimes i cry that i want to see my project live and successful one day...
its not being silly,, but i have discovered that i'm so afraid to try a new challenge...
sometimes they're not considered challenges..they're so easy but i'm just so afraid to fail
i have lost the ability to fight since i graduated..
when you're a student you try so hard to achieve your goals..but after that i don't know what happens
or maybe its only me whose facing this!!

at least i was successful to achieve some of the personal ToDoList:
1. getting rid of my old PC

2. preparing a party theme for Fares:

Fares Chocolate Labels

Polaroid photo cardanother talent that i discovered in moi

my SpiderMan

Shaikha but not really shaikha =/

dead pinyata

3. watching the secret
4. mid of sha3baan
5. GITEX 2008
6. ???????

everytime i go to the AGMC alone, I pass by this handsome guy =(
they have released a brown/ yummy chocolate mini
I'm so grateful that I got my 5 series, my first dream
but the mini is a different story, i don't know its so sexy that everytime
i see it in the street i feel like hugging and kissing it
maybe one day if i have alot of money to spoil myself.. i'll buy a second car
a brown yummy mini

i don't care if everyone thought that i'm not suppose to take a pic with elmo
i did it =D
and felt so happy even if i'm not a big fan of him
he's just so cute

......................
P.S.
ولا بد من شكوى إلى ذي مروءة
يواسيك أو يسليك أو يتوجع

missing you

2008-06-29T13:09:00.000-07:00

you know the feeling when you have such a pain,
its not your heart, nor your stomach,
it is within the soul...
you feel that you cannot cry,
you cannot breath,
its the feeling of missing someone,
someone who used to be your soul,
nothing could make this pain goes away
except a prayer

to give me patience & strength to be happy again
it was written that we should meet,
and it was written that we'll separate

i pray that the feeling of loneliness ends soon
very soon
i pray that they'll never be left alone

BUT
can i pray that you'll be mine once again
can i pray to be between your arms one day
to whisper words,
to tell you that in me
no one could be you

اللهم يامن أمرك بين الكاف والنون
ويا أرحم من الأم الحنون
اللهم اجعله في الدارين سعيدا
وعند غفلة الناس منيبا
واغفر لأم أنجبته
ولأب أحسن تربيته
واجعل أعلي الجنة دار إقامته
اللهم آمين

2008-04-01T11:58:00.001-07:00

i know that no one reads my blogs coz i never told anyone about it, only "one"
and that makes me write more and more whispers to myself

i really wanted to celebrate my 30th birthday on 25March, unfortunately i was very sick
but happily one of my colleagues got me two cakes the other day =)

hmmm one of my friends mentioned once that March babies can't go well with other March babies, hmmm i found that could be true, since i lost three of them, yes we're still in touch, but we're never close the way we used to be, so is that real...astronomy or whatever they call it !!

it happened to me manytimes, there is a strange person that I always see in different places, he or they recognize me everytime they see me, is that coincidence or fate !!! that happened in 1995

and its happening again now, its not the same person, i wonder if they recognize me the way i do !!

i keep thinking about them, and i hate that!! coz for them i might be no one, so why they have to be someone in my thoughts ? am i so silly to think about a stranger??

did you ever search for someone that you barely knew?? and why?? i meet a photographer actually a very talented Emiratie photographer in 2005, we chatted for couple of hours only, then he disappeared, got few emails from him then he just vanished !! i hope he's fine
i decided to search for him since i knew his name was Ibrahim and he's from Fujairah and his nickname was jamr-uae, i found a forum that he used to be part of, i was shocked that i wasn't the only one who was searching for him =) but sadly i still got no news about him

why do you think i'm thinking and searching for this person??
is that a waste of time or i'm just living in a dreamland?
sometimes you meet people in the wrong time, when you're really down, when everything seems dull and blurry, they're so sweet, they mention a lot of things that i couldn't appreciate because i was out of focus, but once they disappeared i understood the things they said, but that was too late, they're not around anymore.. so do i have the right to blame myself?

that is why i literally understand what appreciation and gratitude is NOW !!! and i hope its not too late, i hope there are more chances in the future, chances to appreciate those who tries to help, those who tries to be friends...

so if you know him by any chance, tell him digi-butterfly is looking for you
well i said no one is reading this blog, so!!
maybe someone would pass by!!

p e a c e

h a p p y b i r t h d a y

2008-03-22T11:02:00.000-07:00

حين ينام الليل
نرفع أيدينا للسماء
بأن ترعاهم
لأنهم أحبونا وأحبتهم أيامنا
ولأنهم يعنون الكثير

1.9.2006

m e m o r i e s

2008-03-02T12:16:00.000-08:00

i created this blog few months ago, but hesitated a lot to write down a journal since i'm too bad in writing and expressing my thoughts... some say writing is healing !! is it? i usually delete my journals after few months, i don't know why, so i won't start with writing this time, instead i'll post photos of some memories, since photography was a hobby that i buried long time ago...

Home 2006

Dubai 2007

Suhail 2007

Makkah June 2007

Dubai 2006

p.s... missing you